Buddhism & my terrible mistake

I should have known not to become Buddhist!

I walked into the temple wondering how on Earth can anyone become Buddhist? It is like saying how can anyone become a Human! You just are, you don't decide to become one.

Buddhists spend a lot of time telling you that deep down you are a Buddha you just need to clear away the pollution that makes you angry, greedy and selfish to uncover it. They tell you it is all about practice and hard work, and often that it requires no understanding because thoughts do not make us a Buddha.

They tell you many things about what a Buddha is like. They have a very strong "idea" about what a Buddha is like infact! And they often criticise those traits which are not like a Buddha.

As Buddhists we are expected to be "like" something.

If "Buddha" is what we truly are, then how can we be unlike a Buddha? One incorrect thought is that I need to change, or if I cleanse myself I will change to be like a Buddha. You can't change to be "like" a Buddha, because deep inside you "are" a Buddha.

Indeed the problem that Buddha solved was exactly this that our minds spend their whole lives wanting to be like something. We are obsessed about being like something, and also not being like something. People give us a name we don't like, or they give us a name we do like, or they believe things about us, or they don't see things about us which we do.

We might even philosophise about what we are. Try to answer questions about life and death, wonder what will I become when i die. What am I while I am alive. What am I made from, am I a spirit, or am I matter.

The images that we surround ourselves with are miriad and all encompassing. To become a Buddhist is to add just another image to the others. People will be my friend because I am a Buddhist like them. Or, they will see me in a particular way. Or I will have a distinct Buddhist way of life. And people will expect me to be a certain way because I am Buddhist.

Its just more labels and images. So really no one can become Buddhist, it just makes no sense. No one can become human either, it just makes no sense. We already are, all of us!

So you might image that is the end of Buddhism. No.

Buddha did enlighten, I have no doubt. We can enlighten, I have no doubt. Through enlightenment we can end life's struggles, difficulties and unhappiness forever - I have no doubt. Not just for me; for everyone.

The problem comes in thinking that we can do it by becoming something new, by thinking that we will expect changes from our practice, that we will be different after our practice. That the anger, greed and selfishness will be gone - as if that was our goal at all!

The goal is not to be a better person, to have a better character, to improve oneself, even to find more happiness or success in life, not even to be good instead of evil. Any goal is just a picture we have of our new self.

The goal is to have no pictures of ourself at all! What is that like? Well such a question is seeking a picture, something to aim for; but that question is exactly the process which causes the problems of anger, greed and selfishness. We should stop aiming to be like anything new at all! We already are!

The emphasis is not on the being like something. The enphasis is on the being. We should not aim to be anything new, because it is the being now which we already have! We need only be ourselves, quite naturally with no stick to goad us into a new form, and no suggestion that we are not succeeding in being ourselves. We are always ourselves, you can't "become" yourself. There is no enlightenment to attain, there is nothing new.

The only task then is not to be tricked into following an image, or rejecting an image that we associate with ourselves. All images are illusions, all thoughts are illusions - we are always present automatically.

What causes stress, anger, greed, anxiety, selfishness? It is the belief that an image that I hold is better than my reality and I must arise and struggle toward the new image. But you have already arrived, where is the struggle?

So we imagine: it must be better to own a huge house overlooking the Pacific coast, with enough money to last forever, with a happy family, friends, good personal character, and no illnesses. That must be better than what I have now.

But we only think that because we have an image of what we are now, and we form a new image of what we want to be. The problem is in these images in the first place. What makes us think we are any image in the first place? If we are no image in the first place, how can any amount of effort make us a new image?

The truth is that we are now, yes. We are existing, yes. But we aren't any of these things, no. So why do we care about these things?

We must be careful - its not the world we are having a go at, its the idea that we belong to anything in that world. That we are associated, or related, or affected, or own anything in that world. And by world it means everything! even emotions, thoughts and memories. Everything - Absolute.

Its not non-involvement with the world - which would occur if we succeeded in rejecting external events but not internal events. For example we still own our thoughts, so we may wsh to seclude ourself from the outside world which interfers with our thoughts. Its not interaction with the world either which is the normal viewpoint of inner world interacting with external events - some personal some not. Its non-association with everything. So there is no place to go because every conceivable place both inside and outside is an image of self which we are not going toward and do not personally associate with.

The strange thing is that with such a view suddenly all the things we previously aimed toward as an external image of what we needed to achieve, happen by themselves! For that reason we don't need to know about them at all - they are just the biggest delusion of all.

So the irony is that trying to become a better person, and trying to be a good Buddhist, or even a Buddhist is the worst mistake anyone can ever make.

We need only go back to being ourself, better and better every day, and steadily divorse all those things which are not ourself. If people hold bad views of us, if people criticise us - what has this really to do with us? And on the other hand is people hold good views, or people praise us - what really has that to do with us either? They are all images.

Reading this you might think, is the authour enlightened? Or if like me you would think, if he is, I wish I was like that. Or I might think, I have failed because I have not written anything like that, or understood like that. Or you may see errors in this, or you may disagree completely. In all these cases we are imagining what we just read, making an image of it, either an image we want to be like, or an image we don't want to be like. Making a picture of the author, and making a picture of ourself for comparison. Of course in so doing that is already missing the point, because no images belong to you or me. You already have even are what the text is talking about! so there is nothing to do or gain. Certainly don't think about becoming a Buddhist!