Journal entry

its easier to enter personal stuff here I'm finding, worthless reading for anyone else, just journal entries

Was going through old course notes from my ship wrecked zoology degree 18 years ago. Its amazing how much I've forgotten... whole courses for which I remember absolute nothing... makes one wonder just how much I've done and known that I have now forgotten. Memories certainly cannot be a mainstay of life because they are so patchy and incomplete.

It was also good looking at the comments on essays for me as an 18 year old. I was lazy, unfocused and disorganised. It is certainly true that I was not interested in doing any work, had my head in the clouds exploring the issues that I still explore of the nature of perception and scientific truth, and saw no meaning in the work I was doing. I also thought that I was better than what we were being asked to do... so it was last minute lab write up, and badly researched essays. This is what contributed to my downfall, and also illustrates that I was in no way ready or motivated by what I was doing.

Had I done all this again I would have had to realise that the time was not right and I needed to go through the process I'm currently going through of finding a meaning to life and a direction before the prescribed expectations of academia and qualification. Not much space for that in this world, but unfortunately that is the way of "reality" not often seen by the establishment and the employers and dictators of the system order that we like to believe in.