Anxiety, groups + summary

I noticed writing against the state in the last blog that is caused me some anxiety again. It seems that inclusion in the group is very comfortable state and being outside the group creates fear. So what danger exists outside the group?

I studied animal group behaviour at university and it is seems it often occurs as an anti-preditor strategy. Animals with specialist preditors keep together because there are more eyes to see the attacker, there are more bodies and so less chance of you being the one attacked and [I'm adding this one] in co-operative animals more to join in the fight. If you ever sleep alone in the wilds and compare this to being with a companion the sense of safety is almost tangeable. Conversely then outside the group there are these increased pressures and also the danger that comes if you ever go into conflict with the group. So group membership and anxiety seem related.

There are other reasons tho. When I walked away from "my muse" the pain was so intense that after a few weeks of bearing it I broke and lost any ability to tolerate anything. Even the stress of being on a busy train became too much, and always wishing escape from situations I became agorophobic which I still suffer from. There seems to be this inherent danger in social living that people are unpredictable and if you depend upon them you may become seriously hurt. It is often quite innocent. The fiance of "my muse" can never have expected what happened, that pain comes from no where, it is inherent in the very desire to become attached to form a relationship, a communion, a society. Thus human relations while sources of great peace and harmony, are laced with danger. This is the thirst that Buddha says makes us suckers for suffering.

Human society is a double edged weapon then to the attached. Think of the "terrorists" (I mean the islamic ones) - sympathise with them. They are fighting to remain members of their group, to fail in their projects would mean rejection by their peers and also God. But they also know that their group is not very large and faces a very much greater group. They are fearful, they fight a lot harder and actually a lot more skillfully than our group. The leaders of our group have failed in the propaganda war for one. I actually believe more of what the terrorists say! Extraordinary given that our leaders have more money and even control of the home press. So the suicide bombers are trapped - they can't win. They fail membership of their group, or they die. Of course a potential suicide bomber reading this only needs to realise that they can get everything they want in the eyes of God even outside their group so there should be no fear in leaving the group and just making peace with people. The group is not everything, but the group makes them believe it is everything. It is the standard abusive relationship. We must have faith always in God and the world outside the group. This is why falling madly in love is so dangerous - we want to forget about the rest of the world outside for perfect completion within the group. This is why "my muse" has been so devastating - she was the one, the only one, ever. What kind of valued membership is it if there are other groups, other better choices maybe. If being American is better than being British then am I so proud of being British? All nonsense of course - I'll quickly recall that experience of the mansion in Scotland. It was glorious in it opulence and grandeur. I had quite strong desire for the place. But an hour later standing on the horizon it was just a tiny patch of green in a huge expanse of space. I've never seen that place again and for all its dazzlement close up, the world outside is infinitely larger. We join a particular group as the expense of the infinite world outside.

The same that applies to terrorists applies to us in the Western allied nations. We are trapped, tho only a few of us will die for being trapped. It should be remembered by us that there is no shame in leaving the group. But unlike the terrorist groups we can't!!! The British government won't let me leave. I am like a girl in a patriarchal society. I am owned by my father until I get a husband. I am owned by the British Nation until I get another Nationality, yet as argued I never decided to be part of the Nation and now I even don't want to be after the things it has done. I want to be part of Humanity and live in peace with Nature in the eyes of God to put it in plain words. These are the greatest groups that exist, were really are members of these at birth because they are tangeable and they really do exist. There is no room for cynicism, no spin, no coersion, no lying, no fighting, no pen pushing, no enactments, no press to read, no membership, no enrollments, no exclusion they just are and always have been and always will be. Since our membership forms for these already exist, why do we waste time trying to fabricate the man-made pantomime of Nations and Rules. It is I imagine the class systems and the desire to formalise social interactions to enshrine inequality, or at least mete out equality as if it was something "equal people" could give one another - (Ouroboros smile there).

Just quick reminder of Ouroboros. It is the world serpent with its tail in its mouth. Representative of the cycles of existence. What ends, begins again and in so doing the world perpetuates itself, time flows. No Ouroboros and all the things in the world would live out their lives, end and there would be no more world. But I challenge the Ouroboros to make itself live. Is it a cycle itself? Is there a bigger Ouroboros and so on ad infinitum? Or is the Ouroboros its own progenitor and progeny? I was trying to formally prove that such self-reference is impossible but have so far failed, and maybe need to fail for such a proof would be self-contradictory. I also considered reversing the problem and taking such impossibility as the test of self-reference. No progress here for ages.

This intensive period of writing has dug up a lot of the ideas that got put into archaeology by "my muse", the foray into Buddhism and especially employment. Now they are mostly up and dancing I wonder what progress will be made now.

Keywords: Life, environment, Nature, God, society, capital, sexuality, sex, employment, spirit, matter, Law, rule, knowledge, self-reference, self, nothing.