The surmounting of sexual desire!

This has been as long a journey as any I've been on : the battle with sexual desire. Why battle with it? Basically because it is not our own, it is an imposter in our freedom! I realised as a kid looking within myself that sadism etc are possbilities which proves that it is not our friend - it is not the type of thing we wish to hold close! It also disturbs us from our seat in search of satisfaction. False relationships are created to satisfy it: the deep down knowing that you only know this girl because of how she makes you feel. The force is very powerful and very painful if not satisfied. It turns our lives upside down, it creates false lives and false wishes simply so it can be served. We become its slaves. Sex is the easy part: Love is its divine tormentor which demands not of our body but of our soul and seeks to crucify us on a life of slavish obedience.

Harsh words for one of life's greatest pleasures: but that weakness of us is the very reason to fear it! So I have battled it with more of less vigour and suffered whenever I gave in!

Of late however the battle has been going my way. I forget how long ago but since getting away from the hampster wheel of work and slowing things down I've developed a resistence to sexual desire. It is still incendiary but I've been losing to wish to love (or the respectful keep off approach to love). I no longer wish to "fall" and "abandon" myself to ecstacy.

Maybe this arises from a firm understanding of the true nature of ecstacy. It is much better achieved through meditation. Sexual ecstacy is very profound but it is powerful and forceful and arises from strong attachments. In an uncertain world - as I've discovered - best not to rest ones hopes on mortal entities. Meditation achieves much more profound states with less strings attached - save only discipline, time and ones own living. Temptation for the flesh and the soul is still huge but finally I seem to have let go of the morring rope and it is drifting slowly off.

It is more like having finally swallowed something that previously had been to large to eat. The whole image of "woman" in my head was too sensational and provocative to enable calmly getting to know. The thought that vulvas, legs, hips, breasts, ovaries(interesting object to view sexually) were all somehow connected with the sexual beauty that is often held in the face and in the image that clothes, hair and other styles create. It is a toxic and potent mix that is simply too vast to comprehend in one go.

It involves smashing the glass illusions which encase the sleeping princesses of beauty. I was considering today this approach:

Why is it that we won't accept just any woman as our life long partner? It is because we are looking for something in particular. If we examine that something in particular it is probably very trivial indeed. It might be that we enjoy sex together. It might be that we get on well, or we are able to have a laugh together. It might be that have a certain look that turns us on. It might be something like hair, eye, skin. It could be a taste in music, food, sports etc. Or most probably a combination of such things.

But really all people are good in one way or another else some just wouldn't ever get a partner. If we were marooned on a desert island with one other person (of appropriate sex) it is no longer the right person that really worries us but rather that they are not the wrong person. Anything else is manageable.

What it boils down to is simply a choice. We chose a partner not unlike a car or a house. In a big city the choice is big and we spend longer looking. In a small village we make a quick decision. On a desert island we take what we can get.

That choice is not much to do with the business of sex. Rights bits and pieces then we got sex no problem. Its about the mental fabric. They call it chemistry and indeed it is exactly that. But the impact isn't biological but mental. On a desert island I really don't think people would be much fussed by the chemistry! Ok so our kids "benefit" from chosing a partner with different gene pool from our own - but it isn't important.

So amongst the deducable points from this are these. (1) The idea of the "right one" is an absurd myth simply made all the worse by the millions of potential mates we meet day to day. Maybe we would be blissfully happy with 1 in 500 or maybe even 1 in 100 random mates depending upon how easy going and tolerant we are. The mystery of the perfect connection is myth. (2) That most if not all of our preferences are just fetish and create a superficial veil of illusion that is paper thin and unsubstantial. Directly sexual cues are maybe not so trivial but you only need to see the diversity of orientations to see that even this is maybe trivial. Certainly in homosexuality the arguments for one taste over another are paper thin. In heterosexuality it is arguable that reproduction and offspring fitness are cues in mate selection so confering some importants - and just thinking here evolutionary biology must be considered by radical homosexuals to be hegemonically socially constructed - given that the prevailing sexuality has been hetero whose agenda is suited by it?

What we are left with for sure is just the tenuous, temporary and fraught pleasure available from sexuality. The pleasure itself is fruitless with no beneficial results as it evaporates into the ether. Once the mythology is shattered those who seek complete liberation have the strength to walk away from this most enfatuating feature of life!