The defeat of sexuality

An update on a old thread in this blog, that of celebacy. I can link to anyone of a dozen previous posts but this will do:

http://riswey.blogspot.com/2008/05/aretez-ou-allez.html

Since Christmas I've made real progress at last with this issue of arretez. The key has been wisdom and balance.

We will not suddenly be free from sexual desire. But, what we will have is the strength to ignore it.

This takes two forms. The first is the ridding of the multitude of demons who feed on sexual desire: primarily those of 'status' which has been blogged to death recently here. Not having a partner comes with a weight of negativity things like being a failure, being unloved, being forgotten, being sad, being a loser, being lonely etc etc. And the reverse we 'think' must be true. If you have never had a relationship that you can't wait to end then get one just so that you learn that having a relationship and not being a loser can be the worst existence! It would make an interesting statistic but I bet that properly measured relationships account for as much misery as freedom! The data is always biased however because the partnered world has nothing better to do than make it hell for the free world. Social stats on marriage and well-being are as meaningless as stats on employment and well being: in a society which says you should cut your genitals off you
can be sure those people who have conformed will make it hell for those who haven't! Quite what having ones genitals cut off does for your life is a totally different question!

Once we have dealt a killing blow to these demons and freed ourselves from what is just self imposed negativity (it never matters what other people think - they are just our own thoughts) then we can turn to the main point - the addition to sexuality. I can reference this entry:

http://riswey.blogspot.com/2007/03/drugs-n-buddhism.html

Which reminds me as Equinox has just past again on March 20th I'll make a new vow of celebacy March 25th.

When one quits cigarettes or any habit at all one has only 1 thing to do: that is to develop the strength to turn the mind away from the nagging call to do it. At first it is hard, but as time goes on it gets easier. At the same time at first we are strong, but as time goes on we often get lazy and weaker so we relapse. The key is to balance these and be as strong as the demand. It is always good to remember that every failure to keep to a resolution makes the habit stronger, and every time we beat it it gets weaker. If we are getting to weak then it is sensible to agree to a truce while we regain energy, but only with a date set to continue the battle.

So it is odd that against "artificial" addictions like cigarettes I should find that sex is exactly the same. The rush of endorphins, oxytocin, you name it, is actually just drugs which we need to ween ourselves off.

What makes it harder is that while heroine is rejected in most sub-cultures in the UK and cigarettes is becoming rejected, sex is universally accepted.. Worst it is cynically used in advertising so we are kept hooked on sex so we can be controlled.

Some thoughts about sex which I have found very useful in reversing the flow of indoctrination from this sex obsessed culture in UK and America. I'm a man so this is androcentric - but reverse it and its gynocentric.

A woman is made from flesh and blood. She looks beautiful on the surface, but under the bonnet it's a mess. Encourage the mind to see the contents of the body first, and the packaging afterwards. Thus we see faeces and vaginal mucus before we see bright eyes and smooth skin.

A woman has a shelf life. She will age, become immobile, incontinent and will die. Like a car she will be scrapped one day. There is nothing eternal about sex.

A woman is not a free agent. She is driven by very strong animal impulses to breed. For this she requires a lot of resources. She is like a parasite which needs to infect a host so that it can multiply. She will play games and be seductive and lie to secure this outcome. But, this is not 'her' in control but her hormones and drug habit (the very habit we ourselves are trying to kick).

These are not prejudice they are actually true and apply as much to a man as a woman - indeed anyone who remains addicted to sexuality and the body.

It makes people sound disgusting which is exactly what the 'body' is! Yet we must not forget they are only disgusting because we are kicking the habit.. Cigarettes are very desirable when you have the habit. They are disgusting once you have kicked it! So other people when they kick the habit are no longer disgusting - for they see the disgusting and lowly nature of bodily existence.

The self which is no longer is attracted to bodily existence is a very beautiful thing: Light and free, unafraid, unaging and eternal. This is metaphysically called the 'spirit' or 'soul' but this is just another type of bodily attachment - so we need be careful.

So it is not that desire will be eradicated but just that its imperative becomes very weak. we can still have sex, we can still be stimulated by sexual beauty, but the flames are thin and can be put out. I wonder on this road whether it does lead eventually to complete erradication of the flames?