After a yoga session yesterday I feel much more in tune with my body and I realise this is what I used to get from sex and what I crave from in a sexual relationship - sex is an opportunity to relate to "another" person physically and understand ones own physical existence more naturally.
The problem is that sex is hijacked so aggressively by desire so that it becomes dominated by a selfish need for gratification which negates opportunity for yoga. It is also hijacked by status and social existence in structures like "relationships" and "families" etc. People even become politically aware based upon their sexuality like feminists and even sexual preference like homosexuals. Reproduction is the root process by which sex has developed but it operates "through" the body and existence and so gives the opportunity for yoga and profound meditation. Without a physical body what life would there be anyway? Having a partner or lots of partners, being good at sex, etc are features which become status issues and this also annihilates the yogic potential of physical existence.
To liberate for the journey then physical existence has to be separted from state and social structures, status and all conceptual modes of existence and desire. Physical is just physical.
So have teezered all that apart finally I might be able to proceed on the journey that hit the buffers so destructively a decade ago with "my muse". Last week also I finally said goodbye to her. Thinking about her and "what was" again I saw it in a different light at last - as being beautiful but small and limited. Evidently I have succeeded in climbing much higher on a nearby mountain. Looking across into the Eden I once occupied I can see it is far from everything and the landscape I now gaze over stretches to distant new horizons. This is what growing must be like! I have got out of the valley that has been my home for 12 years. If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger.
I saw also that Yoga is a huge discipline from which Buiddhism has adopted only a tiny fragment of practice. Anapanasati is just one of 6 breathings yogas we did. One of the opening exercises I also recognised from the Chinese temple. The mudras we have learned in meditation have meanings which were explained and again are part of a much larger family. No wonder I originally looked to sex with my western consciousness for exploration of physical meditation! It is amazing how straight-jacketed the society in which we live is. It is all because of status and rules as previously discussed but it leaves us thinking that the limitations are Real not self imposed. Not that we need to explore all areas of Life - that is impossible - we have only one body and one lifetime - but when we realise the hugeness of our natures we see that even within a limited mortal physical existence we are at the same time Boundless and Divine.
A search for happiness in poverty. Happiness with personal loss, and a challenge to the wisdom of economic growth and environmental exploitation.
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