So far in the blog and in my "life" there are 2 competing questions of life.
1) How to live a good life?
2) What is life?
Both seem important. The recent news of the loss of my closest friend brings into stark contrast the life that i am currently possessing and the loss of life that marks the extinction of all those things I rejoiced in being Her. Death is clearly the perfect boundary of what we enjoy as life, but at the same time it informs so much of what we do with our life. I mourn and write a lot stemming from that loss and now that loss is part of my life. Quite unsymettrically my life however is not a part of her death! Death is just the boundary - it is not something in-itself, a new state of mystical existence. That said the belief in other worlds has aided my facing of this painful tragedy. To believe that the Void has simply perished her in one blow is too much to accept all at once. On the other hand I should not despair because out of the Void have come all the days since and even my own Life so it takes in one hand and gives with the other. If i could learn to accept this easy coming and going then life and death would be much easier!
The biological, chemical and physical aspects of life have almost totally been eclipsed by these higher level considerations. Maybe time for them in the future.
The other question of the good life has also dominated. What is the right thing to do with my life? Is even writing a blog a good idea? well in the absence of any other pressing motivations it doesn't seem bad. Certainly ridding myself of unsatisfied desires and accepting those unpleasant things about life would help me along a whole load and that seems to have been done partly by the realisation of the primary importants of "contentment" above happiness and pleasure. With contentment at the moment life is just flowing by no problem.
It raises the prospect of the next phase in that question. What to do with ones time when the pressing notion of suffering has gone. From Buddhism I know the answer is helping others. But as noted that is not a simple matter of supplying them with material or spiritual welfare. That is like giving aid to the 3rd world. It requires somehow helping people to help themselves - and that requires a solid foundation in contentment myself. Which is not there at all yet.
The person in the bank queue was annoying me. I was not content. I have faced the loss of contentment stemming from belief that without the love of my life I could not be content. But, here was a new thing. I believed that were the girl not laughing innanely i would have been more content! So even with unwanted things we should not let them steal our contentment in the belief we will get it back after we have acted to get away.
Much to learn.
There is much more about life also. The growing news of global warming is finally getting people to think about the finite size of the Earth and what we really want from it and from life itself. The problem that has sat in my heart since days of BSc Zoology might be soon to resolve that an animal can't be reduced to its niche and form. Life like the Hindu Gods shows itself in many forms - but they are all one. A bird is a living think like a monkey. Different forms should not distract from the fact that they are part of life and are living organisms in their own right - to be respected as individuals not just as arbitrary kinds and shapes.
A search for happiness in poverty. Happiness with personal loss, and a challenge to the wisdom of economic growth and environmental exploitation.
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