On Love/Sex/Girls

Just caught an advert for a book on getting girls on Yahoo. Yup can't disagree with the advice on what works... but it raises two problems...

1) It seems that girls simply don't allow you to love them. Its truly a lot easier to get a girl when you simply don't care or only want careless sex, than to be involved in some existential struggle for identity and existence. This unfortunately is the fact, that girls are actually bad for progress!

2) And point one is brought out directly in what the man says. His motivation for working out how to get girls was firstly to get them and secondly to avoid the worrying thought that he might end up alone!

But why did he want them? He seems now to enjoy a string of "relationships" with what he considers beautiful and worthy girls citing "actresses" amongst his conquests.

Now within the domain of male folly this is completely a priori and understandable... find a man who doesn't appreciate the value of this. But, on second reflection it doesn't solve the problem... it simply avoids it.

The big problem which to this day, and maybe to my death I will never solve is this:

If you have ever "failed" in love then is it enough to simply love again? You see if it is, then you haven't failed! Why? because you let it go, tried again and eventually succeeded. If the love you finally got was a good as the love you lost, then you didn't lose!

This is the established wisdom which we are expected to learn, this is why we are able to get through life in general because we learn that if we don't get this, we will have that. In so doing we can live in the illusion that we never fail.

But deep down we know this is a lie. Yes we have "failed" (or are very likely to at some point in life) and that can never be undone.

Now I put "failed" in quotation marks because this is not about success/failure this is about existence/non-existence. If you have a child and it dies you don't just have another child and this is the replacement. The two children are still different and one has died and there is nothing that can be done to bring it back. This is the problem of identity and existence. You can't just forget about the identity of things in the mess of mass produced identical versions of some Platonic ideals. I want an iPhone - not "this" iPhone just "an" iPhone and any will do. Is this the same with friends/girlfriends/wifes/jobs/myself etc. Unfortunately just about every girl I ever met was more impressed with the idea of having a "man" or "getting married" than with what we actually had (which wasn't much I grant ;-)

So the problem. Once failed in something, it is dead and we can't bring it back.... this is an expensive blog just smashed a beaker in the lab.... that's it we will replace the beaker but this mornings work is gone forever...

So if we are going to allow things to go so easily and move on then we will never really have them when they do come. On the other hand if we hold on to thinsg identities then we have the chance to truly have them, but we also lose them forever when they go.

This is the little mermaid problem and I can see no way out.