Historisity... I was, I am

Just had an odd experience... I'm dying or so it seems... everything is falling apart... but this is where I want to go for whatever this is doesn't everything else depend upon it? Maybe that sounds mad, only one way to find out.

Was just sorting out music. Found Sister Sledge's - 'Lost in Music' where I used to be lost a lot! reminded me of times in the bar with 'My Muse'. Then N-Trance - 'Set You Free' from 1995 and it reminded me of the room I used to play it at college where my first and only child was conceived. And I was transported into the past and I realised that today I am a road only to be walked once and this road takes me here. And, I thought how I've been lost drifting down this road for ever.

It is the road that has taken up my walks. I often think can you really break a long distance walk and come back? How do you join two walks? Do you find the place, the same street, the same tree, the last set of footprints and try and make the join. Like the butterfly effect there will always be different starting conditions. The walk has been broken and that is an inescapable fact. Thus a broken long distance walk is different from doing it in one go.

As a friend once wisely said 'you've never had a break from life' (it wasn't a threat ;-). There is just one long stream with no break. We can make up a stoary to try and edit and join it all together in a nice way, but today we are where that road has taken us. And here I am. It is like having your life flash before your eyes as you see the whole road that brings you here. Standing on the Lizard in Cornwall this summer looking out over the cliffs at the sea, I am there now, in the bar speaking to 'my muse', I am ther now, in that room where I used to listen to N-Trance, I am there now.