Dreamt of being hung (30 Nov night)

Within a larger dream that I forget I decided to remember this bit because it is so rich with meaning.

Being asked to step forward and put my head into the noose, I let go of self attachment, and switched to non-self mind, so that the world was unfolding in immediacy. In such a mind what is, is just what is, death happens but not to anyone. This is mind that is identical with reality. I literally just stepped into the void with no issue. It is unusual when we are habitually grasping at self to be able to let go of self and be surprised that everything carries on. But we are well familiar with death not being a great catastrophe. If the world has 8 billion people and we live for on average 80 years then around 250,000 people die every day. There are no great storms, earthquakes or even noticeable deluges of tears. It is quite natural. Yet of 8 billion, when we grasp to one of them, namely our self, this one seems especially hard to let go. Well the degree of difficulty in letting go is nothing to do with metaphysics or ontology, it is simply the choice of how much we grasp. It is okay just to let go. And so in the dream I just let go and occupied mind without grasping.

Now this parallels Jesus. But the story of Jesus has many different layers. Jesus was fulfilling prophesy. He was wearing the boots of a predicted Messiah, so in all ways his path was already determined for him he needed only enact it. This did not come easy because the cup (path) involved his torture and painful death. Buddha has the same in his past life where he was tortured and dismembered by a king.

This is the ultimate test for non-self. For most of us grasping at a concept of self, we see that threatened, insulted and damaged by someone else and we fly into anger, vengeance and ultimately "how dare you!" Being ripped apart by a tiger is one thing, but having some other person out live us as they kill us is a special kind of humiliation. But then there is the raw fear and pain which probably over rides these sufferings. This is the point where we break down our pride and start pleading to live, no longer concerned with pride. Not everyone though some hold out pride to the end. But then there is the other type who despite injustice, unfairness, unfinished business, anger, hatred and many other emotions are happy to let go. This must seem like treason to the ego. "How dare you!" just let go of me. Coward, worthless worm. But the one who can let go finds peace and a silence to that annoying ego who serves only itself actually. This was the first thing a Buddhist ever said to me "the ego is bad because it serves itself, even at the cost of yourself." So we shake off the temptations to ego, pride, defence and just open our hand.

Now despite the extreme anxiety and suffering expressed by Jesus in the build up to his crucifixion, at no point during the whole process did he descend to self-defence, anger or sense of injustice. At no point did he express any holding of an ego.

So when Jesus says I am the way to eternal life it is intriguing to note that his example of selfless sacrifice is exactly a path to eternal life. It is the letting go for ego.