My Life is not fun, but I must be even more earnest again!!

I am sobering up after the roller coaster of unpacking the mental boxes of the past 10 years. A most beautiful girl captured my heart but I did not want to play it for fun. Instead she played with others for fun and I have been tempted to rethink and make things fun myself. But when i am strong enough the journey is not one of fun it is a long journey that is better under taken in earnest lest we get lost!

She is dead. This is the futile end of every piece of fun. I will be dead so sober up and do not waste time in jealousy at others fun, and my wasted opportunities! What I have missed out on are experiences beyond my wildest dreams. But! sober up! what use are they to me today? Be serious for a minute and don't wallow in the misery of lost opportunity especially when I have today.

Purity, concentration, beauty are the only ways. The phenomena of the world experiences are cardboard worthy only to those who seek fun, but vapid and lacking nutrient to those who seek perfection, eternity and truth. Do we really want to live in Disney land?

I have been dreaming, they may be truth in what I have dreamed, they may be horizons I will never see now. But we can't see everything, we can't fulfill every desire and every wish - even the most profound which we thought would make our life.

Be earnest! be true to oneself! contain the energy and realise that we can chose whichever future we need - so why go staring in the mirror of vanity. Reflections are empty! so are the phenomena of fun! they are self gratification and vanity.

Be earnest! be liberated from the world around. We rush to the mirror to see who we are! STOP who is looking into the mirror to find out? Who is asking the questions? who wants to know? who is suffering? Who is happy or sad? Who is searching?

We cannot look in the mirror to know these questions because mirrors don't see!

Stop going out into the world! Stop!

Recall the troups and be in earnest.