A gale in the heart

Strong this force which binds us to the Earth, I can see why so many who would be free have faultered, and why maybe I will too. Me ex has communicated a jealous email to the sister of my muse, and I have been furious and now no-one is talking, the narrative ends there - if I want to know more about her I will have to find out myself. It is a very sad situation and brings into focus the power of these feelings for her which remain completely untainted after 9 years. The pain I feel now is exactly what I felt that night tossing and turning the first day we met. This IS my nemesis and also my most important test. The wisdom is there, I can almost see through this - but somehow I lack the strength to get there. I'm so sure these feelings of love are good, yet the world around has only scorn for them, and I am tempted into anger and hatred for them, certainly I will not replace what seems to be the highest with what is certainly the lowest!

This feeling is like a wind that blows through a valley, a gale, an unrelenting unstoppable force. All day and all through the night it howls tearing, through the trees and through the village, driving the clouds across the sun and the moon. I can shelter, but I cannot run or stop it. Sometimes the sun shines but I dare not look at it for my eyes would smart. Through my windows I see that all is well, but I dare not open them. It is bleak in this valley, but the forces that bring us into material existence must be this hard and unbreakable, and the lessons we learn as hard as we are stubborn. I am beginning to see this force within me as a dragon to be despatched. Once it was the form of a beautiful angel, but now its darker side is revealed. When I have the strength I will leave this pitiful hollow in to which I am cowering.