Sex & Death

A friend once pointed out the Jim Morrison lyrics - he touched her leg, and Death smiled. Don't you see he explained that because of mortality we are forced into reproduction to replace ourselves when we die. It was a brilliant observation and was the basis for a lot of thought that came later.

The space between the graves in a grave yard which enables them to be for different persons, is exactly the same force of distinction and separation which we call Death. Which can be expanded thus...

Kondanna's insight at Sarnath when Buddha first gave his 4 Noble Truths teaching, I understand to be, that every existent thing must also be temporary. In other words if something exists we know that it came from somewhere (it was created) and we know it goes somewhere (it will be destroyed). [the place where things come from and go to is often called the Void].

Things exist as separate entitied because they are "different" from one another - [this is Structuralist thought]. Differentiation is a feature of the mind. We teach kids to identify things, and to distinguish things they once thought were the same. All animals are called "dogs" at first until the child learns a new word and its distinction.

In meditation the process of differentiation is gradually stilled so that things are no longer separated. It does not mean they stick together in "one" either - there is just an absence of division. This "absence of division" or equanimity is the highest quality of our mind. Without division there is no longer Death! Things are neither seen as being created, nor destroyed and they are neither seen as being existing things either. This is also called the awareness of emptiness.

Death exists because we see people as separate entities. Thus individual entities are born, live and die. Ironically it is the distinction of individuals which also creates the basis for desire - where desire is need for something outside ourselves. And more ironically in sexual desire it is sexual difference which fuels the attraction. [In homosexuality where there is no sexual difference I cannot see how it can be "sexual" desire unless it is created in full awareness of the "other" sex but which rather than be attracted is rejected - Freudian?]. And as if biology was aware of the logic, sexual desire ironically leads to reproduction and the biological solution to impermanence and Death.

It is that biological solution to Death which worries me because sex and child birth occurs because of Death, it does overcome and defeat Death. It is very ironic that my current situation leaves me sexual frustrated and desperately missing a potential lover because I dared to try to overcome Death, but Death has instead raised its head and taken her away and shown me how powerless and futile I am.

It is tempting to transform my physical desires for her mortal being into spirtual desires for some immortal entity - as if she had joined the Earth mother, or become the bright silvery moon of which she was so fond, rising peacefully in her midnight blue ocean of sky - her favourite colour - but I am fearful that such fantasies are not real, are unhelpful and maybe even detrimental to her rebirth. I sort of relish the idea of being reborn to relive all this, but also am so guilty for having desires for someone who has been liberated from this life and should be free to attain whatever form she desires. It is so hard to accept what has happened, and to allow it to decay into the Void. Am still so struck by the awful ironies, that my feelings for her are a desire which is both caused by Death and which causes Death, but it is that Death which has taken away what those desires it created so wanted.

Desire really is suffering.