Todo list

I am also selfish! When I have no one to love I feel that my energy is stopped. I have nothing to give n I wanna hide from the world. I wonder if its because I am selfish and I think - if i can't love who i want to then why should anyone else get it! That stops the eneregy flat.

Now I could say that if i entered a relationship and got the love then i would have lots to give other people. Which is part true. But in reality if the relationship kicks off properly we just funnel all that energy into a selfish family. So really I'm just selfish and if my eneregy is blocked its because I'm selfish.

So TODO #1 is to find a way of being more giving without expecting anything in return.

TODO #2 is to examine this issue of self that I now realise manifests in the desire for a "significant other". True Love is the manifestation of global equanimity, while selfishness is the manifestation of partiality. And the more partial the more selfish.

It is the mirror meditation - what relationship do I have with my mirror image. What relationship do I have with my thoughts, feelings and body - what "Mineness" exists in things which i call myself. I never fully solved that.

OK stuff to get on with to fill the void.